Happy ADHD Awareness Month!

As someone who’s strongly believes through extensive self-reflection of my life & personal research that I have undiagnosed ADHD, I found it a bit ironic that the shop opened on a month relating to it without even realizing it until just now. Most of the things that affected my personal mental state I feel were struggles of an undiagnosed child who was misunderstood, gaslit, and her excellent grades (and gender) most likely worked against the belief that she may have anything that needed closer care. Then I went to college on my own and saw everything crumble around me over time because I could not handle it the way I thought or expected myself to, like when at home with a mom checking on if I‘m keeping up with things. I got my AA, but I decided not to continue into the art program I staked my life’s purpose on because of my horrible mental health that was definitely in a depressive state. That state got so much worse when thinking I failed to do anything worthwhile without ‘finishing’, the excellent student seeming worthless once unable to keep it up under so much pressure and time management, with no true outlet making me feel completely seen and heard. But now, after so much slow but necessary healing and learning the source of my problems to tackle them better, I can function and keep up with so much more. My drawings are growing alongside me in ways that open my heart and mind to more than ever before. I know my limits now and can account for them, so I can love myself and my own progress with a path I chose and carve for myself. I ultimately chose to not get a diagnosis because of a childhood of gaslighting making me fear the same about my lived experiences and feelings if I pursue one, and personally not wanting to take any medications regardless of a diagnosis or not, which led me to not see a point personally if I wouldn’t want medication for it. I want to believe in myself enough to love myself as I am, which to me is undiagnosed and all. That much I owe the little girl in elementary that felt so unlovable and worthless from a failed school environment destroying her self-esteem. Every day now, when I succeed in my own ways, I’m proving those dark thoughts that want to linger wrong as I slowly uncover that little girl before the pain.

That’s just my own closure to my mental journey about having ADHD. Whether undiagnosed and figuring out the source of your personal struggles, being happy undiagnosed and managing as you have/do, or being diagnosed and taking the medications to function at your best in life, I hope anyone within this scope can grow to love themselves, however that may look for you. Let’s grow into our most personally fulfilled and self-loved selves in our personal journeys.